Chinese Movie Review Christmas Special: It's A Drink! It's A Bomb!

There are not a whole lot of Chinese Christmas movies.  That's actually a good thing, because it means that when Hong Kong does make a Christmas movie, it's likely to be the weirdest, most WTF Christmas movie you've ever seen.

The Gweilo's Movie Ratings for It's A Drink! It's A Bomb!
The Chinese movie review continues below this info box!

Category	Rating
WTF Meter	2.8 out of 5
MST3K-Ability	4.7 out of 5
OVERALL QUALITY	3.4 out of 5

What do these numbers mean?

Chinese Movie	It's A Drink! It's A Bomb!
Director	David Chung
Actors	John Shum, George Lam, Maggie Cheung
Year	1985
Format Viewed	Universe DVD 5169

Also please note:  The title of this Hong Kong film is It's A Drink!  It's A Bomb!  From the Gweilo's perspective, nothing says "Merry Christmas" quite like a movie named "It's A Drink!  It's A Bomb!"

Chinese Movie Review: The Return of Pom Pom

The Gweilo's Movie Ratings for The Return of Pom Pom
The Chinese movie review continues below this info box!

Category	Rating
WTF Meter	3.2 out of 5
MST3K-Ability	3.4 out of 5
OVERALL QUALITY	1.2 out of 5

What do these numbers mean?

Chinese Movie	The Return of Pom Pom
Director	Philip Chan
Actors	Richard Ng, John Shum, Deannie Yip, Lam Ching Ying, Kara Hui, Philip Chan, James Tin Jun
Year	1984
Format Viewed	VCD Fortune Star JS/VCD/3338/HK What is a VCD?

Just how far into the closet is it possible for a movie to be?  This seems to be the question that director Philip Chan set out to discover with his 1984 classic Chinese movie, The Return of Pom Pom.

Movie Review: Oily Maniac

I love how straightforward the titles of Chinese movies can be.  Oily Maniac?  Well I guess we all know what we're in for with this fine offering!

The Gweilo's Movie Ratings for Oily Maniac
The Chinese movie review continues below this info box!

Category	Rating
WTF Meter	1.8 out of 5
MST3K-Ability	2 out of 5
OVERALL QUALITY	1.6 out of 5

What do these numbers mean?

Chinese Movie	Oily Maniac
Director	Ho Meng Hua for the Shaw Brothers Studios
Actors	Danny Lee, Chen Ping, Lily Li, Hua Lun, Wang Hsia
Year	1976
Format Viewed	VCD Shaw Brothers 100185 What is a VCD?

This Chinese movie from the Shaw Brothers Studios is very much in the tradition of the goofy, random monster movies that proliferated in the second half of the twentieth century.  This movie making strategy takes anything, anything at all, and makes it into a monster.  The monsterfication of ordinary things was often done by making them extra big, or extra strong, or maybe “radioactive.”  A reliable hallmark of this technique was ominous, dramatically building music, the slowly rising “dun, dun, dun, dun, DUN!” that we hear whenever the monstrous ant or lizard or shark or doll or janitor or dog or toddler was approaching its next victim.

Movie Review: Kung Fu Hip Hop

I'm pretty sure Kung Fu Hip Hop was conceived of by a marketing director.  I picture some fat guy who despises youth culture, chomping a cigar in a dark room somewhere in Beijing.  He calls in his director, Fu Huayang, and starts shouting:  “What do kids these days like?  Shut up, I'll tell you what they like!  They like hip hop!  They like dancing!  And who the hell doesn't like kung fu?!  So, go go Go!  Make me a movie with hip hop kung fu dancing.  Or kung fu hip hop dancing.  I don't give a damn, as long as the kids line up and buy the tickets.  Go!  Why are you still here, looking at me like I'm crazy?”

The Gweilo's Movie Ratings for Kung Fu Hip Hop
The Chinese movie review continues below this info box!

Category	Rating
WTF Meter	1.3 out of 5
MST3K-Ability	4.6 out of 5
OVERALL QUALITY	1.5 out of 5

What do these numbers mean?

Chinese Movie	Kung Fu Hip Hop
Director	Fu Huayang
Actors	Fan Bingbing, Jordan Chan, Poppin Hyne Joan
Year	2008
Format Viewed	VCD Kam & Ronson KAM2927 What is a VCD?

Thus, Kung Fu Hip Hop was born. And how could it miss? It's got “awesome” kung fu, “awesome” DJ-ing, “awesome” “hip hop” “dancing”, “awesome” “rap.” Wait, why all the scare quotes? Well...

Movie Review: Bury Me High

This Chinese movie had a huge budget for a Hong Kong film.  Tsui Sui-Ming had enough money for full-on war scenes, involving hundreds of soldiers, a dozen or so tanks, helicopters, entire south east Asian villages, and more explosions per minute than a Michael Bay feature.

The Gweilo's Movie Ratings for Bury Me High
The Chinese movie review continues below this info box!

Category	Rating
WTF Meter	1.2 out of 5
MST3K-Ability	2.6 out of 5
OVERALL QUALITY	1.5 out of 5

What do these numbers mean?

Chinese Movie	Bury Me High
Director	Tsui Sui-Ming
Actors	Moon Lee, Chin Kar-Lok, Tsui Sui-Ming
Year	1991
Format Viewed	VCD Fortune Star JS/VCD/3035/HK  What is a VCD?

Tsui Sui-Ming also traveled internationally with his cast and crew, filming some of this on location in Los Angeles, some in Hong Kong, some in what looks like a Hollywood Western, and a lot in what looks like a Vietnam War movie's back lot.

Movie Review: The Little Drunken Masters

It's a movie staring kids.  I think I'll pass.
But it's a Chinese movie where all the kids do Kung Fu.  It might be mildly amusing, but...

The Gweilo's Movie Ratings for The Little Drunken Masters
The Chinese movie review continues below this info box!

Category	Rating
WTF Meter	2.9 out of 5
MST3K-Ability	3.6 out of 5
OVERALL QUALITY	1.8 out of 5

What do these numbers mean?

Chinese Movie	The Little Drunken Masters
Director	Stanley Sui Wing
Actors	Carman Lee, Willie Chi, Xiong Xin Xin
Year	1995
Format Viewed	VCD Mei Ah VCD137 What is a VCD?

But it's a Chinese movie where the kids do all their own stunts, and the filmmaker has no qualms about dangling them from bridges, dropping them off tall ladders, throwing them against walls...  Oh really?
And the kids have to get really drunk to fight.  Color me intrigued!

"Give me liquor!"
How a 7-year-old starts the day right in Little Drunken Masters

Movie Review: Ghost for Sales

As I was preparing to post my review of Chinese movie Ghost for Sales today, I learned that the star of this movie, Ricky Hui, died this morning.  This is sad, of course.  Ricky Hui starred in dozens of golden era Hong Kong movies, and his distinctive looks, his understated comedic acting style, and his deft martial artistry were a reliable staple of so many weird and goofy movies.  That he died on the day I posted my first review of him seems like the kind of coincidence that would only happen in the world of a Hong Kong movie.   RIP, Ricky Hui.  Such as it is, this movie review is for you.

The Gweilo's Movie Ratings for Ghost for Sales
The Chinese movie review continues below this info box!

Category	Rating
WTF Meter	3.2 out of 5
MST3K-Ability	3.6 out of 5
OVERALL QUALITY	2 out of 5

What do these numbers mean?

Chinese Movie	Ghost for Sales
Director	Guy Lai
Actors	Ricky Hui, Sheila Chan, Wilson Lam, Shing Fui-On, Maggie Sui,
Year	1991
Format Viewed	VCD Wide Sight WCVCD1160 What is a VCD?

You might think that a movie titled Ghost for Sales would have a ghost that was for sale.  Or perhaps a salesman of ghosts, trying to ply his trade.  Or perhaps a ghostly sales clerk, or a ghostly job seeker, looking for some employment in sales.  But this is a Hong Kong produced Chinese movie, not a Hollywood film.  So of course this movie is none of those things.  Instead, Ghost for Sales is a delightfully mixed up, Three-Stooges-style knock off of Ghost Busters.

Movie Review: The Red Panther

The best thing about watching (and reviewing!) obscure Chinese movies from the Gweilo's perspective is that you are carried into a cinematic world that is entirely different from anything you've ever seen before.   The Red Panther, an obscure 1983 Hong Kong film from director Kong Lung, definitely fits this bill. 

The Gweilo's Movie Ratings for The Red Panther
The Chinese movie review continues below this info box!

Category	Rating
WTF Meter	2.7 out of 5
MST3K-Ability	4.3 out of 5
OVERALL QUALITY	1.7 out of 5

What do these numbers mean?

Chinese Movie	The Red Panther
Director	Kong Lung
Actors	James Yi, Margaret Lee, John Chang, Lawrence Cheng
Year	1983
Format Viewed	Megastar VCD MS/VCD/234/HK What is a VCD?

From the opening scene of this Chinese movie, where characters eat bananas, inexplicably blow up inflatable pool toys, and seek “toilet pepper” while enjoying an “opera” performance that looks like it's taking place in a bus station, it is obvious that this film was not made with any kind of international or Western audience in mind.  Let's start with the film's genre:

Movie Review: Taoism Drunkard

"The grandmother really knows how to calculate. Therefore, I have to be roasted."
I think it's safe to say: This is not a dilemma anybody has ever faced at any time. 
Except in this movie!

Wow!  Just wow!  I don't even know how to start this Chinese movie review, except to say this is quite possibly the weirdest, strangest, most utterly bizarre film I have ever seen.

The Gweilo's Movie Ratings for Taoism Drunkard
The Chinese movie review continues below this info box!

Category	Rating
WTF Meter	5 of 5
MST3K-Ability	5 of 5
OVERALL QUALITY	3 of 5

What do these numbers mean?

Chinese Movie	Taoism Drunkard
Director	Yuen Chung Yan
Actors	Yuen Chung Yan, Yuen Yat Choh, Yuen Shun Yi
Year	1984
Format Viewed	VCD (Fortune Star JS/VCD/3104/HK) What is a VCD?

It would be easy to jest (hur, hur, hur!) that director Yuen Chung Yan, and everyone else in the cast and crew, must have been as drunk as the film's hero when Taoism Drunkard was created.  But I don't believe they were.

Special Recipe: Badass Evil Cannibal Chicken Soup

So I was enjoying Tsui Hark's crazy cannibalism movie, We're Going To Eat You.  (You can read my full review of the film here).

I thought: "Cannibalism?  This would be a great film to post a companion recipe to!"

As you might expect, there's a lot of evil, badass cooking in a Tsui Hark cannibalism film.  Most of this cooking involves ingredients like "people" and "people by-products."  But at one point they decide to make chicken soup instead.  Badass Evil Cannibal Chicken Soup!

These cannibals are hungry.  Not only that, they're badass!  They don't want ordinary chicken soup.  No, they want Badass Evil Cannibal Chicken Soup.  Yum Yum!

How is this made? Read on!
(Or don't?  This recipe is not for the moderately squeamish.)